ODDS & ENDS

Fred Thompson bought Christmas gifts for his kids in New Hampshire Friday. He's sixty-five years old. How can people criticize Barry Bonds for using performance-enhancing drugs when Fred Thompson has a three-year-old child and a one-year-old baby?

Hillary Clinton sang old hymns at Grace United Methodist Church in Des Moines on Christ the King Sunday. They took up two collections to get her to stop singing. Whenever Hillary sings she sounds like a cat on its way to the tennis racket factory.

Saudi Arabia agreed to attend today's peace conference in Maryland as a favor to the Republicans. The Democrats make the Saudis feel like they're replaceable. Barack Obama is slick and John Edwards is oily and Bill Clinton is nothing if not crude.

GOP candidate Ron Paul was endorsed for president Saturday by a Nevada brothel owner. They aren't far apart in their views. Ron Paul believes in an immediate pullout and the brothel owner is in favor of the customer having the full fifteen minutes.

The Republican Party was reported Sunday to be recruiting very wealthy people to run for Congress using their own money. It's an awful idea. People with that much money get used to saying whatever they think, and that will end anyone's career in politics.

John Edwards marched with striking screenwriters in Beverly Hills Monday. He's right at home here. We're the only people who know that his four-hundred-dollar haircut is what you pay at SuperCuts in Beverly Hills, but only if you have a coupon.

President Bush met Al Gore in the Oval Office Monday before a ceremony saluting this year's Nobel Prize winners. The president was a gracious host. He pushed the thermostat up to ninety degrees to make Al Gore feel that he's right about everything.

Israel's Ehud Olmert and Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas agreed to begin talks for an independent Palestine. They'll meet every two weeks. The leaders say they are worried because they can hear the clock ticking, at least they think it's a clock.

Bill Clinton answered his wife's call to head for Iowa on Monday where he went from town to town on behalf of her candidacy. The former president just loves to get out among the people and press the flesh. It hardly left any time for campaigning.

Teddy Kennedy signed a huge deal Tuesday to write his memoirs in two years. He must have some priceless memories. The Kennedys harken back to a more innocent time in our history when a Democrat could go to confession and that would be the end of it.

President Bush promised Tuesday to help the Palestinians and the Israelis find common ground. Was this wise? If President Bush knew just a little more about the Middle East, he'd know that common ground only leads to gun battles over water rights.

Bill Clinton spoke about himself in Iowa for two hours on Tuesday when he was supposed to be talking about Hillary. This is a tough year for him. Everywhere Bill Clinton goes, he puts seven chairs next to him so he'll feel like he's in the debates.

Senator Teddy Kennedy signed the richest political book deal in history Monday to write his memoirs. He's been keeping detailed notes throughout his career. His co-author now faces the daunting task of collating a hundred thousand cocktail napkins.

Hat tip Pookie 18